I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
