You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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