States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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