OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
