i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
