Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
