I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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