My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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