So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
