they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
