she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
