Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
