What did we do last night that was yellow?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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