So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
