Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
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His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
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The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
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