Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
