So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
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