no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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