Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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