We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
