I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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