yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
