Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
