oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
