YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
