i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
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Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
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His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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