That's intense
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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