I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
