omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
