My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Randomize