I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
