Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I still have a little drunk in my system
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
