plz talk dirty to me
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
