STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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