i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
