she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
If I die, sorry about rent.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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