hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I want a musical about memes.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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