best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
