So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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