remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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