My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
