Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
