im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
