do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
