please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
