EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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