I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
