toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
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