The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
FUCK WHALES
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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