I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
