dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
