Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
