you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
