Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
