ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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