Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
