If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I wish you could order shots online.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
