Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
the day after is always just damage control
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Randomize
