So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
