Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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