No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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